108th post.
and i love this number.
and i love monopoly.

wakakaka life's getting better. well, after listening to "someone's watching over me" i guess it really is true. hm anyways yup lessons were boring as usual. did like shit for physics test. ate mac for lunch then went over to shawns house fr homework AND MONOPOLY. ITS FREAKING FUN OKAY!! except the fact that only two of us were playing. ROARS. but anyway, YUP. its BOARD OUTING tmr. sadly, less than half of EXCO is going, i think. that is just bad. EXCO OUTING TMR: weijie marc shawn and i. WOW. i wanna be X. wait no, i hate suckas. hmm okay i shall go post on dedicated blogs before those people scream at me :D im sooo nice lurh!!

dear colin.get well soon.
(:

sometimes i get so confused.
should i or should i not.
yet there's no one i can get advice from.
i guess thats just life.



107th post.
well, my blog is filling up fast.
but today, all i can say is:
im appalled at what happened.
reasons: miscommunication, misunderstanding, and just plain fking attitude.

its hard to choose between friendship and relationship.
and i never want to do it ever again.
so dont make me.

thanks shawn. (:



106th post.
and i just feel like posting again.

after watchng tv tonight, i guess i really want a sister after all. (: im not saying anything bad about bro. without him, my goal setting would be 'i wanna be a vet' and thats it. thanks for helping me realise what i really want in life.

i will stop being emo.
but the emo pictures wont stop.
it keeps me awake in class.
and from a mental breakdown.



105th post.
wow my blog is old.

today is the offical day which ME walked all the way home from school. PLUS i even stopped by shawn's house. means i think i increased the distance. it tooked 40mins from shawns house. WOOHOO i rock. well, been wanting to do this for very long. i guess i got my long-lost self disclipine back. yups i love long walks. cause without knowingly, i thought about what i wanted in life. my life's in a mess now. everyone can see that. spacing out in class halfway. eating honeydew (i'm hungry!). and just plain watching thoughts swim around in my mind. haiz. i dont wanna go into olevels like this shit. so i've decided. im gonna start fixing myself. starting from my attitude. if u bochap me, that's what u're gonna get from me. no more caring more than i need to. well, its taxing on me. stressful. and just plain sianz. why bother? looking for someone when the one u can really count on at ALL times is none other than yourself. im not saying im dropping all relationships (be it friendship, r.s or family) just gonna spend lesser commitments and time on some of them.

thinking of getting a non-emo blog.
-www.whenallfails-dontworrycausesomeonewillbewatchingoveryou.blogspot.com-
but i think it's too long. playthateccentricbassoon
how about www.whenallfails-i'llbebesideyoualltheway.blogspot.com?



104th post.
and its tuesday again.

wow what a nice way to start off my day. making up my mind to sack one section six member. oh no, im not blaming myself. sorry huangxue. it's not just for your grooming. it's your attitude. towards the board as a whole. even during band, don't forget you're still a councillor. pardon your dear section leaders for their incapability to explain this to you. cause they do not have the patience and mental strength to handle this fked up issue.
one word to summarise my life - moodswing. i don't know why. just feel so unbalanced. and i never seem to have enough time for myself. well, maybe i just gotta start getting used to be alone? don't worry people, i'll be fine.
found a special song. by david cook. lyrics include: so lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright. well, at least this seems practical. maybe i shouldnt get promises/answers/truth from you anymore. maybe a lie would work the best.
olevels. and this dear girl haven't found a sense of urgency yet. a pathetic C amaths WORKSHEET. mind you, it's just a worksheet. and i couldn't even get a good grade. whattheheck.
i've turned back into the forgetful girl i once was. just today, i forgot a total of 3 things. its time to really sort things through. no more screwed up schooldays. academics and me are gonna be all that matters.

sometimes, i just don't know what the hell i'm doing.



103rd post.
and im surprised i found a seat on the bus.
okay now im speechless.

i find myself predicting the next word of songs, correctly. everything's so plain boring. 'in love with my best friend', 'i know this crush aint going away'. i want something special. how about simply alone? sometimes it's the best? why bother looking for someone who knows you well, when the one who knows you best is none other than yourself. no commitments needed, cause you can be right there for yourself 24/7. promises wont be badly broken, cause you'll know exactly how and well you've broken it. no explanations needed, everything's internal.

well, when something happens, i still find myself looking for you first.
so? it doesnt matter. since you wont even reply my fking message.\

sorry guys. just dont feel like replying tags.



102nd post.
wow i have many blogs.

okay now i forgot all i wanted to blog about. ohh great! ytd i got my NICE cute pencilbox le. from taka. after spending quite some time walking around while waiting for ca^v^an lau to wake, he finally woke! yups he slept for 12hours straight. so anyway couldnt find the one i wanted, but nevertheless, i got a cute one!! and a doooodoll. (: yay! haha headed over to shawn's house for some homework then went jogging. this PRO girl jogged for 15 mins without stopping. whoa! i rock. haha from metal bridge to main road (kallang kfc) then back to metal bridge and to swing. even sprinted at the end. YAY ME! special thanks to my trainer, my legs and my stitch for not acting up as much. haha now i earned myself an ice cream. *winks* haha. yup. shawn, sooner or later, u're gonna go broke lurh. yups went home for dinner. after dinner went to grandma's house. got pissed on the way back so walk fast fast. regretted doing that cause my legs hurt like shit. ohh and yups the night's really boring.

today's even worst. haha spend first few hours in bed just slacking and dozing off again. woke and realised what a noob i am. cause i dont have a single idea how to prepare breakfast except scream for someone or go downstairs to get. :( yups then did work. went for lunch and waited for shawn edwin jamie and kelly to come over. yes and they arrived, in order. from 1:36 to 3:02. (: did more work, wrote postcards for my beloved section members and did my internship ppt slides. then bball and soccer downstairs. wow pro 3-pointer shots done by moi! guess my tyco-ness came back. so many *o* faces. haha yups. thats about it. dinner was boring.

you have no idea.
just how much you mean to me.



101st post.
Have life gotten better? I think so.

Lessons were way boring. But I have to admit, Mr Chia's lesson really got me thinking. The goals we've set for ourselves arent pushing us forward but instead, they limit what we can do for ourselves. Well, it's scary, isnt it? 4, 8 or 15 years seems to fly past ever so quickly. Yet we are so unsure of what we will be, or even the mere what we want. It may sound selfish 'what we want'. But if we do not even know what we want, it's like running 2.4km without a destination, taking a bus without knowing where you are going. Life will seem so meaningless.

CCA. WOW. Amazingly, we did not have anything to do. As in no saikang - shit work. So Shawn and I sat like outside ITC room, watching movie. Haha, then some guys came over to join us. I can remember who, just lazy to type them all out. Then after CCA, soccer. And my impression of 4IT guys has just became worst. Well, feel so sore. Maybe it's cause of the many bumps I had and the stupid fall (cause by edwin yeap, roars). Yup, then went to Parkway in search of a GUAILAN pencilcase with Shawn. Thanks dude, for helping me carry my bag. But you still can't ignore the fact you look oh-so-reetarded. HAHA. Walked for so long but the closest I found was one which was shaped like an underwear that says 'boys are smelly'. I turned to Shawn and commented that he stink. So now he's bathing. Sorry Shawn. Headed home. Dinner was so-so. Drank carrot juice and orange juice instead of my daily serving of fruits because I'm so lazy to chew.

sometimes, you just leave me speechless.
maybe all we need is a brainbreak.



100th post.
and it isnt a good one.

haiz. a pathetic B3. pathetic. what was i thinking? mugging and getting this shitty result. i needed the a1 or even an a2. and now, hope's gone. olevels isnt as easy as i thought it was. well, no more fun and games. (okay, maybe just a little bit) but ya, from now on, yiting's gonna be a good girl. she'll start studying HARD for tests and exams. start paying FULL attention in class. that's how life's gonna be till after my o's. i dont wanna waste a year then start regretting. yes. live life without regrets. i dont want to be stuck crying my eyes out at the end of the year. i dont want to have to choose between JC and poly, plus the doubt of being kicked out of JC. no way. yiting's gonna start being a winner! no time for being a loser.

after today, i realise how much experience actually means. olevels and exams seem so "passable" happy-go-lucky. but well, the pain comes when u know that pathetic B3's gonna stay with you for the rest of your lives. i cried. just a little though. thanks to rachel lynette shuhadah jamie junrui clarence kimwee and especially shawn. im sorry i felt sad, well, it's inevitable. but dont worry. i'll come back ready to fight again. tomorrow. tears. i dont ever wanna cry over results again. the feeling just SUCKS.

hennes. i cant believe it. after i got my result slip, after some time, i finally start to realise that deep down, it's yourself that matters the most. at the time that i needed you the most, IM SORRY, you just werent there. when i cried and i need some emotional support, IM SORRY, you just werent there. at your hardest moments, i was there. supporting you from behind. risking my phone to message you so many times, just to make sure you're okay. IM SORRY, you didn't even bother to reply. what can i say? you're just gonna tag to say i've flamed you again right? do whatever you want. IM SORRY. i've changed.

rachel.lynette.jamie.shuhadah.junrui.clarence.kimwee. thanks guys. (: you saw my tears. haha THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RARE OKAY! 5th time i cried in this school. for once, not for him. then after that, for him. so ya anyway just loads of appreciation for just being there. hahaha to junrui: dont be so fierce next time kay?

shawn. hey dude. thanks. for everything you've done. well, at the time i was crying and even till now. just for you kept playing over and over again in my mind. i hate crying in front of people. really i do. it's so "embarrassing" haha! rest assured i'll be fine tomorrow. just hope my chem test's not going to be affected. emo-jogging on sat. i can own you man! :D

ijustwishihavesomebodytohug.
ipromiseiwontletgo.



99th post.
another to hundred.
so close, yet so far away.

well to conclude, life's getting more and more frustrating. and im going to start a new posting style. which i think u guys are gonna get frustrated at.

okay to start, yesterday, i went to singapore poly and temasek poly. in the end, i decided to work and mug (and play) super hard. so i'll be able to get into the top JCs. and not get nagged at by everyone in my life. well i know thats not gonna happen, but i can hope right? hmm after that went to shawn's house with shawn and hennes. waited for edwin. JUST FOR YOU IS SUPERB. haha although i already listen like 5-6 times but i'm not sick of it and i doubt i will be (: okay then jogging. i've got to say i've improved a whole lot. my trainer agrees too. but well, stitch problem. hate it. it's like when i jog, im not tired. at all. just in pain. roars. roars. roars.

today. morning i went out. okay then did work in the afternoon and studied for biology test. wow im so guai. and yessh i finished studying both the super boring chapters bout your nerves and your eyeball. well, conclusion: why do scientists like to name every single part? and make us go through the shitt of remembering EVERYTHING. the same substance has two LONG names cause it's at different places of the eye. WOW. bball next. and ya fine there was this little guy who kept "oii"-ing me when i shoot. well, reetarded me replied "HI" everytime he did that. roars. what's with guys and thinking girls cant shoot? haiz nevermind, one day little boy, i'll own u again. (: although i dont look forward to meeting u.

i dont know why but the minute i walked into my room, looked at the messy floor, i just felt so frustrated. will someone pack my room for me, pretty please? okay, back to reality, yess mummy i'll set time aside to pack it. just gotta impress ms teo with my biology marks before anything okay? haiz life's difficult. but super ethan ain't a quitter. he's gonna fight till the end. i know he will. (: well, for all those out there, ethan's my nickname. and super ethan's kinda a superhero in me. everyone wants one. if no one's free, BE YOUR OWN HERO! why not? it just feels so great to have someone who's always by your side. whom you can count on no matter what. so what if that person is yourself? it doesn't matter. :D

i guess it's time for me to go now. 3 long paragraphs. im tired. im sleepy. im stinky. im out of biology knowledge. why why why? haiz. ohh man english test. ahh what the heck. i dont even know when is it cause i misplaced my handbook. 1st week of school, nice... anyway yups stinky ME shall go bathe now. or even super ethan's gonna abandon me.

iknowitsyou.



98th post.
and emotional breakdown.
just for that 11.8seconds.

well short intro for those who has better things to do than to hear me rant about my life. which i wanted to say is pathetic but it is SO NOT.

exco. well, i just gotta say it's always "the pot calling the kettle black".
empty promises yet again, and it seems like we're not ONE.
latest ending at 4:30. turns out it dragged to 6plus.
why am i not surprised?
well, im totally fine with spending time.
we are supposed to be the ELITES.
dont you think we could have done so much more during that time?
miscommunication whatnot.
we SAY we're bonded. but open displeasure shown.
that's something we ALL gotta think about eh?

you.andyou. im disappointed. yes, promises not honoured. broken once and again. so sick of everything. well, it seems like u've once again put relationship matters over friendship. im not gonna say another word. but u've lost my trust in you.

hennes. i really had enough. no more. im not gonna be duped by you another time. your stupid promises. that u never fulfil. haiz. u want me to give u another chance. for the gazillionth time. well, prove it. prove that u deserve it. cause right now, all i can say is u dont. all i see is that immature guy who keeps repeating his mistakes despite saying/promising that he'll change. u want me to confide in u yet u're adding to my shit. please, when time comes, u always seem to be busy with everything else. be it work or whatever. i dont mind u working, i really dont. at least u dont spend the time idling at home. but well, how can u even offer to spend time with me during ur "working hours"? u're just showing me u're offering for the sake of doing it. im sick of everything. as i said, stop tying me down.

shawn. well as i said, it's like u're the only close but non-shit bringer. thanks for being there dude. it's like i dont know, u seem to be able to read my mind. roars. and sometimes it's not a good thing. (: just for you.

life's hard.
and nothing's gonna stop me anymore.
nothing else matters anymore.
just me and my grades.
plus non-shit bringer, of course
-antishitt-